I'm not sure when
by Stary0706
Summary: Sitting besides Hermione, Harry tries to remember the exact moment he fell in love with Hermione. One Shot. Different for me that way! Read and Review Please! H/Hr Enjoy!


_Disclaimer: I do not own ANYTHING in this story!! Except for the idea, I suppose._

_AN: Hey everyone out there, yeah different thing for me to do I know, but I was sitting at home tonight and this popped into my head. So I jotted it down and decided to post it. Please forgive me if it is not up to my normal standard, like you see in Tragedy, but I would also love to hear what you have to say about it! _

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Harry was sitting by Hermione's side thinking about the moment he fell in love with her… This is all done through Harry's point of view._

_Oh and just letting you all know, I am NOT stopping Tragedy, I just had an explosion of inspiration for this story and went with it!_

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R/R Please, but be kind!_

_Stary_

* * *

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure when I feel in love with my best friend. I've known her since our first year of school. She was a know it all, smart, frizzy haired witch of eleven years of age. I remember becoming friends with her after the last part of our trio upset her quite greatly. She ran off and then a troll came in and we needed to save her. It's funny to think that I saved her and then she saved me. As I sit by her bedside, holding her hand, occasionally running my hand through her sweat soaked hair offering as much comfort as I could, I thought about the first time I realized I loved her.

I'm not sure if it was our first year, when she told us to relax while we were getting squeezed to death with devils snare. She knew exactly what she was doing when it came to anything magic. She was the one who did all the research, and pulled us lot through a lot of our first year. She was very observant and listened when you spoke.

* * *

I'm not sure if it was our second year, when she figured out how to create polyjuice potion and she turned into a cat. Sure, Ron and I made some jokes about it, I mean, who wouldn't laugh at the sight of a thirteen year old girl coughing up fur balls, her face looking like a cat. I didn't laugh at her during that time though, because even as a second year student, she would have hexed the living daylights out of me. I remember sitting as close to her as I could while she was recovering. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she and I shared some glances, as we tried to figure out what was happening at Hogwarts.

I remember the Quidditch game that was canceled because Hermione had been petrified. I remember feeling as if I couldn't breathe, knowing that she was lying there, stiff as a statue, in that cold hospital ward. Seeing her like that made me hate Voldemort even more, though I suppose I thought it was Snape who had opened the chamber of secrets. Even then, she knew what she had to do. She figured 

out what was hiding in the chamber of secrets and showed us the way, so we could help others. Because of the research, she knew what to do that would keep her alive. She was able to survive.

* * *

I'm not sure if it was our third year, when she helped me with, well, with everything. I do know that it was then, Hermione knew me inside and out. She was able to tell what I was feeling without my saying a thing. She always knew what to say during a time when I felt troubled, though sometimes I didn't agree, I learned to trust her judgment. I learned to listen to her when she talked, because she always had something to say. I remember her trusting me enough, at least that's what she said, when we were flying on Buckbeak the hippogriff. I joke with her about how I have scars around my waist from her fingernails digging into me. She was never one for flying. She told me that night that she was not a fan of flying, which was something that took her a lot of courage to say. She was never one to worry about herself, or allow herself to open up, but with me it was different. She trusted me and I trusted her. We had an understanding of one another that went way deeper than what normal teens had.

I'm not sure if it was the kiss we shared on the platform before summer holiday, I mean, sure, it was just a kiss on the cheek, but it was my first one, from a girl, well, ever, that I remembered. I smiled brightly at her as she took my hand, and smiled telling me to have a wonderful summer and that we'd be together again. I hated the summer and she knew it. She knew that it was the worst time of my life going back to that hell hole, but she always found a way to communicate to me. Hedwig made frequent visits to London and back to Surry. She knew exactly where to find her.

* * *

I'm not sure if it was fourth year, when she stuck by me when Ron did not. This was the first time that the Trio became a duo. I was short to her during this time, and she took it. She let me have it a few times, but allowed everything to play out on its own. She sat with me, talked to me, and helped me with everything. I remember sitting in the common room, pissed off that Ron had known about the dragons and didn't tell me with the first task. She sat next to me and placed her hand on my lap. Wrapping my arm around my best friend, she leaned her head onto my shoulder and we sat there, for hours, watching the embers go out in the fire. Neither one of us spoke, but I didn't feel we need to. She knew that I just needed a friend there, to know that I wasn't alone through this championship. She knew that I needed her and she didn't once tell me it was too late, or that she needed to study. She was there, because I needed her. She has always been there.

I remember the day where I felt a bit of a pain in my heart, knowing that she had someone to go to the dance with. I couldn't believe Ron was so oblivious to the fact that she was a girl. The way he asked her was completely uncalled for, and she let him have it. I remember knowing that Cho wasn't going to the dance with me. I remember how depressed I was. I remember longing for her, wanting her to be my dance partner, but she was with Cedric, and I had someone who wanted to go with me because I was the 'Boy Who Lived'. Hermione was the only one who knew how much I hated that title. I remembered Parvati catching me off guard as she remarked 'Oh, doesn't she look beautiful!' Me instantly thinking about Cho, agreed, until I turned around and saw this beautiful woman walking down the steps, blushing as she did so. I realized at this point how beautiful my best friend actually was, in her beautiful blue dress, shimmering in the light. This once eleven year old was now fifteen by the time of the ball. She was starting to fill out in all the right places. The dress hugged her curves as she gracefully descended from the top of the stairs. Time stood still as I stared at her, my mouth wide open. She gave me a nervous giggle as Viktor Krum walked up to her, kissing her hand lightly, whisking her away to dance. I was in shock. The icicles hung from the ceiling, glowing as we danced. I watched Krum spin Hermione, and Cho and Cedric dance, paying little attention to my own date. Bad move, let me tell you. Hermione came up to us after, out of breath, glowing, her smile a mile wide on her face. She asked us to get drinks with her and Krum, but Ron refused. I started to believe that he fancied her. She got huffy at Ron and didn't speak to him at all for the next day or so. I don't blame her. What I do blame myself is that I never told her how beautiful she looked that night. I still remember her that night, coming down the stairs. Something changed, but I didn't know what exactly.

Then there was our second kiss. Hermione was soaking wet from the lake and grabbed my head, causing me some extreme pain in doing so. I was stung and burning and aching from the lake. It was horrible. I remember the fear that I had seeing Hermione and Ron hanging there under the dark, freezing waters of the Lake. I panicked when I was told that I could only choose one to save. I couldn't leave Hermione there. I just couldn't. I could only think of the worst. Then he came, Krum, saved my best friend, and I was left fending for the others. She was the first person I saw when I came out of the water, choking on the water, vomiting it back up. It was not a pretty sight. She was the one to give me the towel off of her own back, gently rubbing the warmth back in me. Krum, trying to get her attention, left her in a huff, when she wouldn't acknowledge his own presence. She was always there.

* * *

It could have been my fifth year, when I was angry with her for not sending any letters over the summer. She sat down and talked with me, insisting that she wanted to talk, but couldn't. I almost lost her that year. I called Ron a 'right fowl git' during our fourth year, and this year it was my turn to be one. I remember the look of hurt and anger in her eyes when she told me that she was on my side and to basically get over myself. They were prefects that year, Ron and her, and I suppose I was jealous. It was the only time when we weren't a trio. They would be off doing whatever they do as prefects, and I would be left alone. Katie Bell was captain of the Quidditch team that year and I, well, I didn't do much. I was pissed off at the world that year, but she kept me grounded.

I remember her standing by my side, teaching people in the DA. I suppose I was too interested in Cho to realize that she was there, but I do recall her being there. She had difficulty producing a patronus. She couldn't get it right off and was extremely annoyed and irritated with herself. She would go off for hours to empty classrooms trying to produce it. She became frustrated and tears started to pool in her eyes but still she tried, 'I CAN'T DO THIS!' she screamed at herself as I was trying to find her, sitting down on a desk she wiped away her tears.

'Sure you can.' I said, startling her. For once, I was able to offer comfort to her, rather than her doing it for me. I sat next to her, and awkwardly placed my arm around her shoulders, 'You're just trying too hard. You first need to think of the happiest memory you have, and I'm not talking about getting an O on all of your OWLs.' She giggled a bit, wiping her tears away, 'Just something happy. Then, go for it. It's difficult Hermione, and I couldn't do it right away.'

'What do you think of?' She asked me leaning against my shoulder for support.

'My mum and dad sometimes. Getting to meet them. Most of the time it's you and Ron. Memories of what we have done together. Knowing that I have you two around me.'

'I would have thought it would be Quidditch.'

'Not strong enough.' I smiled, 'Lupin told me that it has to be the happiest moment of your lives. I sometimes think about when you and I would sit around late at night and just talk. Just the two of us. I never had that before.'

Hermione smiled wide that evening. She decided to give it one more go, and with another pep talk from he, I watched her concentrate and produce the playful otter. Smiling victoriously, she looked at me, her brown eyes sparkling as if to say 'Look what I did!'

'Brilliant Hermione! An otter! Well done!' I praised her as much as I could, not because I had to, but because I wanted to. I thought that day about how much the patronus suited my friend. The otter, extremely playful at times, but very bright. Just like Hermione. I was very proud of her.

I'm not sure if it was when I was tortured by that horrid Umbridge woman. Hermione saw my bandaged hand and immediately was concerned. Begging me to go tell Professor McGonagall, tears in her eyes, hate for Umbridge, she pleaded with me, and I declined. For Hermione, I did tell McGonagall but it didn't work. It was only a matter of time until Hermione had 'I will not tell lies' etched to the back of her hand. Sitting there with slave, next to me, she teared up, but did not cry. Leaning against me, gaining my strength and I gained hers, we got through this and bonded.

Then there was Cho. She was extremely jealous of Hermione and my relationship. I guess I didn't help with that. Hermione and I are always together, and Cho didn't understand why. I suppose they all knew a bit more of my relationship with Hermione then I did. I mean, I had no idea I loved her, hell, I may not have even known at this point. Cho and I got into a huge fight and broke off our relationship. I was extremely broken up about this, but my best friend sat down with me and we talked. I looked at her and thought that I couldn't be with anyone who couldn't accept my two best friends. If she didn't want me hanging around with Hermione, then I didn't want to be with her. It was as simple as that. Hermione and I had tea that night, and she opened up to me about Krum and about her newer crushes, while I talked to her about Cho. We talked about everything. It was always like that.

* * *

Was it our sixth year, the year where I realized that Ron liked Hermione, and I was starting to think that Hermione liked Ron. Me, I went after Ginny and got her. Ginny worshiped the ground I walked on, and what was better was that she and I clicked instantly. Ron even accepted our relationship, but of course told me that if I ever hurt his baby sister, he would hex me. I then got busy with Dumbledore. I decided not to tell Hermione and Ron everything that I learned at first, which was a stupid thing to do. Hermione was having enough trouble with Ron treating her like shit, and then me, not telling her, pushed her over the edge. I made her cry this year, something that I never did before. She was frustrated and lost it on me, and that was when I explained everything to my two best friends. Instantly 

they were ready to help in any way they could. Dumbledore died that year, and I couldn't function during the funeral. I stared at the coffin while Hermione sobbed on Ron's shoulder and Ginny was comforted by her twin brothers. I knew what was ahead for me and my two best friends. I knew the dangers and horrors that were lying ahead. I didn't want Ginny to be affected by that so I broke it off. I didn't even want Hermione or Ron there next year, but as Hermione said, 'We're in this together whether you like it or not.' She was right. I couldn't get rid of them if I tried.

* * *

That brought us to our seventh year. I knew that I loved Hermione, like a sister, or so I told myself. I knew that Ron and I couldn't have gotten this far without her. She stayed with me. She stayed with me when my best mate did not. I sat at the grave of my parents, something that she had been with me through. It was the first time for me, setting foot in my old town, a town that the only thing I remember is a flash of green. I have longed to come back here for so long and Hermione came with me without a thought. She stood next to me and wrapped her arms around my waste. I felt safe with her, and I began to cry, silently, tears flowing down my cheeks. She knew that it was anger and sadness and she just stood with me, not speaking, knowing that I needed her. She always knew when I needed her and vice versa. It was freezing cold out, and Hermione whipped out her wand, transfiguring two Christmas wreaths and placed them on my parent's grave. I couldn't express my gratitude to her that night, no matter how much I tried, I couldn't thank her enough, so instead, as we walked back, I took my hand and wrapped it around her waist, pulling her close to me, and she did the same. I felt a new spark towards Hermione that night. It was much like when she first kissed me, or when we spent time together. I pushed my feeling away, hiding it behind us having a 'brother and sister' relationship. She fancied Ron, and I fancied Ginny, I reminded myself over and over again, but, she stayed. Hermione stayed.

'I love her like a sister Ron, and I reckon she feels the same way' I heard myself say, feeling sick to my stomach. I never realized how much Ron loved Hermione, and how jealous he was of our relationship. I had to reassure my friend. I had to tell him that she was a sister to me. I didn't want him to be upset, he was my best mate and he had saved me from the water, but what I didn't know is that I was just hurting myself. No matter how many times I told myself that I loved Hermione like a sister, I just felt, well, I don't know how I felt.

Battling Voldemort for the final time, she was the first vision of love that popped into my head. It was the pair of us, on the bridge, talking, and she was laughing, her head thrown back with a smile that could only be given by her. Several different images popped up of Hermione and my time spent together, from first year to present day, which forced Voldemort out of my soul and destroyed him. It was Hermione who helped save me.

It wasn't until after Ron had been dating Hermione for a while, about a half a year, as well as myself and Ginny, when things started going south in our relationships. We lived together, Ron, Hermione, and I, in a three bedroom flat. It was large and on the top floor overlooking London. I couldn't count the number of fights the pair of them had had during their time living here. I lost count after the first couple weeks. I can't count the number of times that Hermione sought me out crying and holding onto me 

because of Ron, our best mate. They always got back together though and I always reminded myself that she was my sister.

Finally, we all broke it off with our significant others. I realized that Ginny wasn't the one for me, and Ron and Hermione got sick of the fighting. It was the best thing that happened for us. Ron pulled me aside one evening, about four months after he split with Hermione. 'The only person you're kidding is yourself.' He told me

'What?'

'Harry, you're my best mate, I want you to tell me the truth. You're in love with Hermione aren't you?'

The question hit me in the face, so I did what any other man would do. I stalled for time, 'What?'

'I've seen how you two have looked at each other. You have this connection, something that I have never had with her before. I can't stand around and watch you and Hermione not have the relationship you should have. I always knew that you two didn't have the sister, brother relationship. I always knew that the pair of you had some bond, something there that everyone could see. You two seem to be the only ones oblivious. Mate, I couldn't make her happy, not nearly as happy as she deserves to be, but I think that you can.'

'I never thought about dating Hermione… she's my best friend.'

'She deserves to be happy Harry. You can do that. You need to love her. You already love her. You need to show her. Harry, I have never been able to make her laugh like you do. I am not the one that she goes to when she's upset, scared, or needs to be assured. She does that to you. Merlin Harry, if you can make her happy, do it. She deserves to be happy.'

I thought long and hard about what Ron said to me. I did love her, I realized, more than friends. I lied on my bed staring at the ceiling in the dark. I thought about what I loved about her, and knew immediately that this was not a love of siblings, this was love. When did it start? I had no idea, but I loved her. I needed to tell her, I needed to show her. I walked out of my bedroom at almost midnight. She was not home. I sat in the sitting room, staring at the millions of books on the bookshelves, courtesy of the woman I love. I stared at the large Gryffindor shield on the wall, memorizing every inch of the red and gold object. She would be home at one in the morning. It was her late night at the office. I waited to hear the familiar pop of her apparition, wondering what she would think when I came up to her, and told her that I loved her. I wondered if I could even do it. My stomach was doing flip flops. The clock steadily ticked as I waited. She was punctual, something that I was thrilled about. I startled her a bit, as she walked into the sitting room, 'What are you still doing up?' she asked me.

I looked at her, my eyes memorizing her features. I looked at the way her cheekbones framed her face. I thought about how perfect her lips were, how deep and passionate brown her eyes are, even when she was exhausted. I watched as a piece of hair fell out of her braid, and before she could scoop it behind her ear, I did it for her, gently bringing my hand down her cheek, 'Harry?'

Brushing the hair out of her face, I made direct eye contact with her where I saw my answer, she was staring directly back at me, not breaking the contact, her hand on my thigh. I leaned in towards her, and felt our first kiss on the lips. Unlike most of my first kisses, this one didn't feel awkward. It felt right. When we broke apart after several seconds, Hermione brought her hand up to her mouth, touching her lips where mine had met hers. We stared at each other, not saying anything, before I said, 'Hermione?'

Her response was to kiss me for a second time, lips and tongues entwined. It was the first time that my relationships had felt right. We never discussed what we were, because we already knew it. We were meant to be together. We were meant to be a couple. Her smiled came back. I saw it every time we were together. I loved her, I still love her. Since when? I'm not sure.

* * *

Our wedding was perfect. Marrying your best friend is the most amazing thing ever. My nerves were getting the best of me at first, however, my best man kept me leveled by saying, 'She's not going to run Mate, she's stayed with you for the past eleven years!' I laughed at Ron, as I tied my tie. We had a magic wedding. I walked out into the Burrow Garden and waited. The warm May breeze blew through my hair as I nervously played with my fingers. All our friends and family members were sitting around waiting for my fiancé. I watched as Fleur walked down first, followed by Luna, who had Ron's utmost approval in her lilac colored dress. She and Ron were to be wed next month. I saw Ginny smiling as the maid of honor, as Draco, and it killed me to think of him by using his first name, smiled brightly at his girlfriend. They had gotten together after the war. Ginny had always liked the bad boys, I suppose, but he had changed. I would actually consider him a friend. Gin was happy and he treated her like the princess she was. After I watched Ginny, I knew Hermione would be next. She was a traditional little witch, which meant that I wasn't allowed to see her the day of the wedding, nor the dress she was wearing. Everyone stood, and I immediately stood up straight, my mouth went dry instantly as I saw her holding her father's arm. Her dress was perfect. It sat off her shoulders and had sparkly things going down the front of it. I was told that the dress was A-line from Ginny later that day, but I didn't know what the hell that meant. All I know was that my fiancé, the girl who I had known since we were eleven, the girl who stuck with me through day one, who loved me for who I am, not what I did, was coming towards me. This was the girl… no the woman that I would spend my life with, who I would love till the day I died, and beyond. This was the girl who I had loved for so long.

* * *

Now I sit here, by her side, holding her hand, as our child is being born. We've been together for fifteen years, married for five years. Hermione was lying next to me, squeezing my hand when the pain got to be too much. She never complained once about the pain. She had told me months ago that she would get through this with no potions. Once her mind was set, that's it. She was tired. I could see it in her eyes. I suppose twelve hours of labor will do that to you, not that I would know as Hermione kindly pointed out several times during those hours. Healers came in and out of the hospital room, telling us that she was progressing, but it would be a bit longer. It was May 16 in our pink room at 6:15 in the morning. Hermione gripped my arm again harder than she had been doing. I kissed her forehead and rubbed my thumb over the top of her hand, 'You are never allowed to touch me again Harry.' Hermione smiled, teasing me.

'I have a bit of a problem with that negotiation love." I said, smiling at her, 'Don't worry, only a bit longer, then we'll have our child.'

"Merlin, is she ever going to come out?"

I laughed, "You have been saying she a lot the past few weeks. Do you know something I don't?"

Hermione smiled, "I just have a hunch."

I just nodded. She had her hunch for a while now that it was a girl, though she wasn't about to paint the nursery pink and have it be a boy. We decided to keep the gender a surprise, at least for the first child, which both of our families were extremely disappointed with. They wanted to buy things for the baby, but couldn't without knowing the gender. We chose two names that we also kept to ourselves, since Hermione had been changing her mind over and over again for the past few weeks. I finally talked her into waiting and seeing what the baby is before naming him or her. She asked me what I wanted during that time and my reply was always 'For a healthy baby.' I didn't care what I had. Girl, boy, I'd love them just the same.

Then, the Healer came in again and told Hermione that she was ready. Fourteen hours went by before our child was ready to make an entrance. It killed me to see the pain cross her face, knowing that I was partially responsible for her anguish. Her face turned beat red as she pushed. She gripped my hand, never screaming or making a sound. She was determined to be over this experience. The healers coached Hermione through the end part of the birth, as I whispered encouraging words as she did her part. Finally, after what seemed like hours, I heard the cry of our baby. Hermione, lied down heavily against the bed, as they put our child on her chest, 'It's a girl!' The Healer smiled, and Hermione instantly broke down into tears as she looked at our daughter. I smiled, kissing her tears away as I stared at my girl. The healers took our daughter back, to cast some spells on her and make sure that she was healthy, 'We'll bring her right back to you.' One of the healers responded. 'Do you have a name for her yet?'

Hermione looked up at me and nodded, "Lillian Molly."

"Are you sure?" I smiled.

'Yes, I'm sure.' She replied, wiping tears away from her eyes, 'I couldn't think of a better name for her. Your mother, my mother, and our mum and I suppose Ginny as well.' She smiled.

I grinned, looking over towards Lily. I couldn't wait to hold her. I wondered what she looked like, what color eyes she had, since all I really saw was her back. I heard her crying and smiled, looking down at Hermione, 'I suppose we'll get use to hearing that.'

She nodded to me tiredly, looking over at her. They weighed her and returned her back to Hermione. I helped her sit up a bit, looking at my two girls. Hermione smiled brightly and looked up at me, 'Green eyes.' She always wanted her children to have my eyes, 'She has green eyes, see?'

'Yeah love, I see. She's beautiful. I believe that she is the prettiest baby I have ever seen.'

'You're bias." Hermione smiled.

"I may be." I grinned, "I better go out and let everyone know that we have a daughter."

Hermione nodded to me and I let her have time to bond with Lily. Walking out of the pink room, I wondered who was still there and who had left. Hermione's mum and dad were there, Ginny and Draco, Luna and Ron, Mrs. Weasley, and Fleur and Bill still sat there. The rest of the family had to go home and work. I smiled as I walked over to them, "Well?" Ron said, smiling at me, eagerly awaiting information on whether I had a son or a daughter.

I looked at him and shrugged, 'You have a goddaughter.'

Ron's mouth dropped. Hermione and I didn't tell Ron that he was the godfather yet, but I couldn't wait, 'I'm godfather?'

'Who else would I trust with my first born?'I laughed as Ron hugged me. I answered the many questions and told them her name, getting tears from Mrs. Weasley and Mrs. Granger, since they both had the name Molly in it. "Lillian Molly' I told them, 'We're going to call her Lily though. She's perfect. I'll let you all see her in a bit.' And I ran back to be with my girls.

Hermione passed our daughter to me, and I carefully took her into my arms, kissing her as she settled down against me. She looked up at me with green eyes and yawned. I was able to study her features, like I did to my wife and the mother of my child so many years ago. I loved Lily from the moment I saw her. I realized during this time that I loved Hermione from the beginning, even though I never realized it. Since the day I saved her from the Troll in Hogwarts, I loved her. She was my destiny. There was no one thing that made me love Hermione more. There was no one thing that she said to me that made me love her. Do we have the perfect relationship? Sometimes I think we do, but we do argue. I love her and she loves me.

I married my best friend. How many people can say that they did that?

* * *

_So, like it? Love it? Review please! Let me know what you think, but please be kind…_

_Stary _


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